Oh come let us adore him

 

Mankind will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth.

Edith Sitwell
English biographer, critic, novelist, & poet (1887 – 1964)

 

Having more important matters to attend to, God had left the brain to its own devices for some 500,000 Earth Years. This could be considered to have been yet another mistake for during this time the brain developed such a sense of insecurity that it withdrew into a fearful paralysis. So fragile was its state that it relieved itself of responsibility by allowing itself to become considered by mankind as his brain. This paradox, the mind-body dilemma, has been the topic of much discussion among philosophers for the last two thousand years and indeed continues to be a major conundrum to this day.

During this time God was not idle, so it was not until he had thwarted the efforts of the devil and had completed his angel training program that he was again able to revisit his ‘brain project’. When he did, what he found appalled him. It appeared to have been a complete failure. The brains were in shock and mankind had developed a severe dose of hubris. Brains, influenced largely by the physical desires of the body found that they could no longer trust each other.

In conference with Gabriel, God decided to redefine the project and allow some divine interference. It was clear that the brain was simply not intelligent enough to develop successful survival strategies.

“A sorry sight,” confirmed Gabriel. “I give them about another 2-3 thousand years before extinction. They need help. What can we do?”

They pondered the situation for some time before Gabriel proposed a solution, “What they need is a little education; a little guidance and prompting.”

“Not too much though,” said God “For they are supposed to be intelligent enough to solve their problems for themselves.”

“Why don’t we send down a few prophets,” suggested Gabriel.

“What?”

“You know, a bit of preaching, perhaps even a bit of martyrdom could be thrown in as well.”

“Well, I’m not sure but I suppose it could work. Who do you think we ought to send?”

“Well, let me think. Buddha is available now. Your son becomes available in a few years time and I believe Mohammed will be available in six hundred years or so.”

“Alright, we‘ll send them all. Now, I have a lot of faith in the ability of my ‘brains’ so make sure that the prophets are well briefed. They are only to be allowed to give the brains a few clues. Under no circumstances are they to spoon-feed them.”

So Gabriel and his cohorts arranged everything, even down to the implanting of a few prophecies. God joyfully returned to the affairs of heaven.

It was on the return of Mohammed that the three prophets convened for a pub lunch and prepared a combined report for their master. It was some time before a presentation was made; something like 1900 years elapsed on earth. The prophets just kept a watching brief.

“I’m afraid that we have rather made a mess of it,” reported Mohammed.

“Yes,” confirmed Buddha.

“Well … you see. They have already invented things which they referred to as their Gods.”

“It is so.” Interrupted Buddha, “The Sun, Moon, Zeus, Thor, Isis and all manner of unlikely types have been invented.”

“They must be really screwed up,” observed God.

“I’m afraid that they would only listen to us if we gave them something to worship.”

“OK, OK. So what did you give them?”

“You,” they responded in unison.

“Me! Worshipped! I don’t want to be worshiped! Maybe a little respect, yes, but I want no, I repeat, no adoration.”

“I’m afraid it was the only way. But that’s not all, I’m afraid we’ve created another little problem.”

“Yes?” queried God cautiously.

“Well it’s about this worshipping nonsense. We hadn’t foreseen the need, you see. Not being prepared; I’m afraid that we have given them rather different versions of your divinity. We think there will be trouble. They have now created three new versions of God and they are completely unable to reconcile them.” declared Christ. “They have even confused faith with truth. Indeed when I was down there they had created a whole myth based on historical Jewish families. Mind you it was a pretty good myth it had all the right ingredients.”

“What sort of ingredients,” asked God.

“The usual sort of stuff,” ventured Jesus. “It is written in a large confusing book in very ambiguous terms enabling scholars to waste hours mulling over its correct interpretation. I think they call it the bible. Anyway, in order that the simple masses can swear by it, it contains a lot of simplistic rules called commandments. Ideas that can be readily chanted, easily remembered and eliminate the need for sensible enquiry. Rules like ‘Thou shall not kill’.

“Well is that such a bad thing?”

“It does lead to a lot of confusion, and there are ten of them all open to misinterpretation.”

“What do you mean, misinterpretation?”

“It enables them to think like policemen and judge.”

“How do you mean”

“I’ll give you an example. – ’29 miles per hour is OK isn’t it but 31 miles an hour is bloody dangerous. You see, simple brains need instant results so that they can get on with important things like collecting stuff; they don’t want to waste time trying to create a sound social environment, do they?”

“It would seem that Buddha did the best job. At least, his lot don’t seem to want to prance around shooting people. But, generally, a pretty average performance, I’m afraid.”

“What about the insecurity and hubris?” asked God.

“Replaced,” they answered.

“What with may I ask?”

“Well, I would call it group hubris and insecurity, wouldn’t you Buddha? You know nations, sects, gangs and such. Even the lawyers now come in group practices. The newspapers carry six pages of financial news and property prices which are perhaps the most important thing in their lives. They are so scared that they have no time to address the real problems of their world such as creating a unified support system for a peaceful and serene existence and the protection of their environment. They are very sick.”

“Oh. Dear.”

“Individuals rarely do anything nowadays. They seem to be programmed to conform. You know; house, car, nine-to-five job that sort of stuff. There seems to be no flair in the world, just status symbols and hype. In some parts of the world it is even considered to be chic to eat at McDonald’s.”

“Never.”

“I’m afraid so. Group hubris and banal conformity I’m afraid.”

“What shall we do?” asked Gabriel.

“I’ll give it some thought. Anyway I must rush; the old devil is raising his head again. I think we had best just leave the brains alone for a while and see if they can sort it out for themselves.”

So they did.

Judgement

 

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.

Martin Luther King Jr.
US black civil rights leader & clergyman (1929 – 1968)

It is well known among physicists, that is: Einstein and at least one other were known to understand it, that time is a variable and not as we tend to believe a constant. Thus, that which would be a matter of a split second at the centre of things – where God stood – would turn out to be an extremely long time where the earth was located. It is all a matter of position and relative velocity. Therefore, it was 2000 Earth Years later – a few days where God stood – when God re-addressed the brain problem.

No matter what G and G did there seemed to be no way that they could surmount the brain’s perceived need for judgment. God recalled that part of the presentation well despite the fact that his memory was tending to become less reliable nowadays.

“We really must attend to their need to be judged,” proffered Mohamed.

“Judged! What do you mean, judged.”

“Well they want us to decide whether or not they are to be allowed to spend the rest of their time in paradise or in pain. It’s simple really.”

“Not the Buddhists,” injected Buddha, “they’re just going to go back again. However judgment is still required to determine whether or not they return as a higher or lower form of life.”

“And how do you propose that we should do that then.”

“You’re going to have to meet with them all and decide if they have led good lives or bad lives.”

“Hang on! Hang on!” Buddha butted in. “My lot don’t believe in good and bad in quite the same way as the rest of them. You see, my followers were a little more intelligent than the Europeans and Western Asians. For instance, they understand the difference between good, bad and right. They can perceive good, bad actions and bad, good actions. They want to be judged by the correctness of their lives. My people are very subtle.”

“Your people! Your people! What’s all that nonsense?”

“Sorry, we couldn’t stop them. They wanted saviours; to belong to a group; insisted on the right to be our followers; saw us as shepherds. They are really screwed up.”

“I’ve got a real problem with this, you know. Firstly there ain’t any paradise and secondly I don’t see why I should spend the rest of my time wasting it on pointless interviews. But, because you lot created the dilemma: you lot can set up the procedures, and you can keep me out of it,” declared God. “Of all the stupid, incompetent … I just give up”

And so the Brain Experiment turned into a very costly and somewhat pointless enterprise. The original terms of reference had been usurped. The project had seemed to acquire a life of its own; a bit like a defence project.

Quite out of control.