All Black

Dear Pamela,

I have lost my New Zealand boyfriend. I thought that it would be a nice change to discard my black suit and shoes and wear something colourful for a change; something different in the interests of brightening things up a bit. So when I arrived for our luncheon date last week I was surprised by his reaction.

‘What are you trying to do?’ he hissed. ‘Are you trying to show me up?

Well, I know that the normal Wellingtonian fashion statement is black. Indeed, it has been black for the last thirty years. However I did not realise how entrenched this sartorial choice is. Hey Ho!

Well, he is now ignoring all my attempts to contact him. I am so depressed. What can I do?

Yours in hope,

Jeanie.

 

Dear Jeanie,

It is obvious that you have paid little attention to the earnest nature of the New Zealander. They own the “All Blacks”, the “Black Caps” and a netball team which must be the Black something. They also like to win and associate winning behaviour with these black entities. To get him back onside I suggest that you paint yourself all black. This way in addition to being sartorially apt by wearing black, you will never embarrass him when, in a dishevelled moment, a part of your body is exposed.

If you find that this does not work, dump him and emigrate, yes emigrate. Try Spain, Italy, France or Mexico any colourful country should brighten you up.

Good luck,

Pamela